Just trying to get ready to go anywhere was a nightmare. Spencer bit me seven times. I have marks on my wrist from his little teeth. He then bent my pinky finger back so far I feared it would break. Nobody can help me, nobody! Spencer's plan seems to be to make it so miserable for me to get him ready to go anywhere that I will just give up. The torture of the morning so rarely outweighs the reward of the destination that, I must confess, he frequently wins.
I have felt unwanted, literally as long as I can remember. It started with family members who disliked me because of who my father was and has just kept going and going. It makes me just want to leave...just move away. But the thing is that it won't make it any better. I will just live farther away and still not be wanted.
So I realized I am playing the victim and by continuing to allow people to hurt me I am to blame. The only answer is to discontinue relationships with people who consistently hurt me. I guess it is to say I am at fault if I continue to allow it. I can't change them, so I need to stop giving people the opportunity to mistreat me. Frustrating, seems it would be the answer, but it really does not solve it all. Still alone, but at least not getting hurt every day!
What do I have to say to myself over all this:
PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT!
2 comments:
While you are putting on those big girl panties, toss out the crap that no longer matters. Everyone knows what a dick your father was and from their point of view, HAS NO REFLECTION ON YOU!!!. He is dead and good riddiance. Now either wallow in his mess, or start living your own life! If little boy will not get ready, then he goes the way he is. One or two times should cure him. Worked for me.
I don't know you, this is my first look at your site. I'm a fellow TBT girl who saw your post about sod on the CtoC chat...btw, yeah, hellLLLOOooo, FREEE! anyway, I wanted to say kudos to you for seeing what you must do that normally takes many people years in therapy to realize, which is to live YOUR life for YOU and YOUR family (your hubby and baby). I have a mother that drags me down any chance that woman gets, and I moved away & it continued, so you're right, moving doesn't help, w/the exception that they won't just POP in unannounced to annoy you, and if you live far enough away, they won't even bother to stop by (which is a bonus, lol). You have to do what is best for you and your hubby and your little one...that's all that matters. And if cutting some of those people out of your life is the only way to keep your sanity (as it was in my case...I speak to her only a couple of times a month and only when I have to) then you have to do it...and you'll be a better mother and wife for it...and you'll begin reflect inward and begin to love yourself because of it. My mother is a narcissistic pain...we took her to Chicago w/us for my college graduation in August (I'm 37, lol) and she made the entire trip about HER...nobody or nothing else but HER. I was in tears most of the trip to the point that my hubby of only 1 yr vowed to never take that woman anywhere ever again...and the thing was, WE paid for the entire trip...she paid nothing, not even for a soda on the train, but she was the most ungrateful human that I'd ever met. And after talking to my brothers, they feel the same way about her and I never knew.
So you hang in there, and you're not alone, I promise. You and your hubby and baby are making wonderful memories to cherish always and forever and I know that it hurts not having a loving parental net or extended family group, but you'll be ok...truly you will. sorry if this was too long. :)
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